Someday..You are going to miss me....

Warnings have been given....Just saying....

Lonely......

Wanna go back home....where I can "live" again....

Life...Only YOU can make it better....

Wow!  It's been so long since I blogged!  My best friend Ash introduced it to me....and It is kind of like my own "little" diary.
Well...not much has happened since my last blog....to be honest i have a really boring life!
This week I have been so depressed.  So many sad things happen to people...and it leaves me asking myself..."why can't I just be happy?"  This week my cousin Neile lost her step son to a horrific motorcycle accident.  He lost his life at age 16.  It's been really bothering me...even though I have never met him.  Next, I see a post of FB from a guy i went to high school with in Seminole.  He just lost his wife to breast cancer.  She was diagnosed when she got pregnant with their second child.  My heart goes out to her..for her courageous fight with breast cancer while carrying a baby.  I can't imagine what that poor girl went through.  She lost her life yesterday.  So...this leaves me asking myself..."is my life really that bad?"  Life is so short....and I think we all need to appreciate every moment of it!
I've always had everything...and never happy.  Why?  I never feel like I have a good relationship with men.  I have terrible marriages...is it me...or is it the men I choose?  My life in Florida is essentially no life.  I live an hour away from all my friends at work...and don't have any friends in Vero.  I'm sad all of the time...and the only person i have to talk to is an 11 year old girl.  My husband has nothing to talk to me about.  All he wants to do...is surf the web and play games on his phone.  He hardly says two words to me....I'm lonely and unhappy.  My mom can read me like a book...she texted me yesterday and said she is worried about me.  She says i'm not myself lately.  i don't have the guts to tell her how miserable because she will worry non-stop about me.  She has enough to worry about in her own life.
But....for those who know me...I'm a tough person...so when I've had enough...I'll be done and there will be NO turning back.  He has been warned....and he chooses to ignore it.
The first thing I have to do is be happy with myself!  Why do I always let myself go when I get married?  I'm almost 200 lbs now and totally miserable!  So..it's about time I get me back!
Second...life is too short to set around and do nothing...just because i'm married to a fun hater!  So....if I get invited to do something...I'm going to do it!  Tonight I got invited to go to Sips and Strokes...an amateur painting class...and I'm going!  Like it or not!
I feel like I owe some people some BIG apologies.  I thought Terry was a horrible person...but as time goes on...i see maybe he wasn't so bad afterall.  Don't get me wrong...he had his faults...but Jeff may be the bigger asshole.  Treat my family bad in September...and I will be gone!  I have zero tollerance for that!  You have been warned!
Ok...I feel better now!
Peace and Love...and Cheers to a HAPPIER life!!!!!
Holley..a misplaced TEXAN!!!!!!

Stressed...to say the least!

Well, Happy December everyone!  Can you believe another year has almost passed us by?  Crazy!  Well as you know...I just turned 36 years old..I've actually had a really hard time with it!  I woke up that morning, and wondered...what now?  What will my life bring me...so far no kids...and I have to admit...I haven't had the happiest of marriages.  So...what's next?  It's a scary question if you think deeply about it!
So, Jeff and I went home for Thanksgiving...home being the great state of Texas of course!  It was a great visit!  Granny cooked all of my favorites and the weather was cold and crisp!  I do miss the colder weather.  We did alot of traveling on this trip.
Friday night I met up with some of my high school friends I haven't seen in years...that was a great feeling.  I almost felt "at home" again.  We had alot to catch up on so I really enjoyed it.
I went to see my Mamaw that morning...not so much fun.  As soon as I got there..of course she started going on and on about my weight.  Some things never change!  I started crying and was ready to go immediately!
I have a really hard time leaving my family.  I'm always in tears when I leave, then it takes me several days to get over it.  I hate I'm missing out on my neice's life...she doesn't even know who I am.  Sad.  I guess things do happen for a reason...and that's why I'm in florida.  God has me here for a reason...I'm just not sure what it is yet.....
There are big changes coming at work.  I just found our that my boss wants me to work 4 days a week now instead of 3.  This is a very hard thing for me because I have a young step daughter at home and a new husband.  I feel like i'm totally out of the loop already...4 days will only make it worse.  I'm also not real sure how I can juggle alll my work demands...such as meetings galore, working on the schedule and 4 days a week and pursue my master's degree.  I started thinking about it and got really scared.  I don't think I can take anymore stress right now.  If I fail, I have to pay back $10K and that's not going to happen.  I think I need to hold off and just see what work brings my way.  I hate to turn down "free" tuition, but I also have to think about my family.  I just pray I'm making the right decision.
Well..enough for now!
Peace!
Holley   

I owe it all to you...

Sometimes in life we forget to enjoy the small things.....So today I am going to list the things that I feel I am truly blessed to have....I owe it all to you....God!
1.  A loving husband

2.  A loving family...who constantly prays over me.

3.  A loving step-daughter...the only child I may ever have.

4.  A beautiful home...I love so much!

5.  An awesome pool and patio which I have learned to love to sit on and enjoy the rain.

6.  Two beautiful baby dogs that love me beyond measure.

7.  A great job...that after 12 years I still LOVE!

8.  A dependable car to get to work and back in.

9.  A healthy heart and body.

10.  Plenty of food to eat...where some are starving..

11.  An air conditioner to keep me cool when it's hot and a heater to keep me warm when it's cold.

12.  True friends....which are few and far between.

13.  Clothes galore

14.  Plenty of money to provide me and my family whatever we need.

15.  Rain

16.  Sun

17.  Ocean

18.  Stars

19.  A beautiful Life

20.  And most importantly....GOD!  For without him...I would have none of these!  Sometimes you just need to thank him!  We take so much of in our lives for granted!  Thank you!

Sometimes you just need to be positive about some things.  I feel like my life has been truly blessed.  I came from 2 wonderful parents...who treated me like a queen, never divorced even in the hard times, and gave me everything I have ever wanted.  My family prays for me constantly...and believe me...it's helped tremendously!  My life has always been pretty easy...thank you!
Positively!

Holley Ann 

Blessed Beyond Measure!!!

Hello all!  I was sitting here at work thinking of how I'm usually writing about negative stuff.  Ash said all I do is gripe about things...so hold on to your seat...this blog is going to be all positive!
Let's look on the bright side...Florida is a beautiful place to live.  Who else is 10 minutes from the ocean??  Another good thing about Florida is that is is always green.  For the most part the weather here is great!  Then probably one of the best things about Florida is...Disneyland.  Even though I haven't been yet, a lot of people really love that place.  I went to a wedding about two weeks ago there and it was really cool.  Everything was Disney themed.  They brought the bride in on a horse and carriage.  All the music was Disney and the best part was Mickey and Donald showed up at the reception.  It was a beautiful wedding!  Congrats to Adam and Jackie!!
Although I don't have many friends in Florida...I have met a really great friend here named Ash.  We are 10 years apart, nothing alike, but I feel we are really great friends.  She is laid back..I'm uptight...She is Liberal...I'm conservative...She is skinny...I am fat....She is simple..I am complex...You name it and we are opposite.  I guess opposites really do attract! 
My husband and I now have a really beautiful home.  I absolutely love it.  It is a 5/3/3 with an enormous pool that I so love!  The house looks great with all of our decor in it...and it just feels like home!  Thank you lord for this blessing.  It is everything a girl could ask for!
Let's not forget the most important reason to love Florida...My handsome husband.  If it wasn't for him, I would have never gotten to experience life in Florida.  He is my best friend and I love him so much.  We may not always see eye to eye...but we love each other beyond measure!
I have wonderful parents that would give me anything I could ever want.  Without them..I wouldn't be the woman I am today.  Thank you for everything you taught me through the years.  I hope I make you proud!
These are just a few reasons I feel I am blessed beyond measure!
Goodbye for now!
Holley Ann

Moving is no fun!

Well, as you know...we've been moving for over a week now.  No fun at all.  We are finally all settled in.  Yeah!  It hasn't been without some difficulty though.  Jeff has broken the pool twice...found out the salt water converter has been taken off...it's now a chlorine pool....Roxy decided to chew up the new carpet on my bottom stairs....you name it...it's happened!  On a postive note...my house is absolutely beautiful and has a wonderful pool!  Love it!
I've been really depressed today.  I took my parents back to the airport yesterday and I feel so lonely again.  They looked at houses while they were here..guess they have de cided they don't want to move here.  I'm so sad..but I'm not pushing it because I'm not really sure they would like it here.  I always feel sad when they leave.  I just wish we were a little closer....I've been crying alot today....It will get better...so i'm trying to stay positive.
Our visit wasn't one of the best I've ever had.  Between the stress of moving and my husband who is less than friendly...I'm not sure they will ever come back.  I almost felt as uncomfortable as I did when I was married to the last ass hole.  Why can't people be nice to the most important people in my life?  It hurts so bad that I can't have decent visits with my family.  I just don't know what to do...but something has got to change.  This may be another reason I have been crying all day.
Well, guess there has been alot of changes at work.  Crystal is now full time at st lucie west...and I am the one and only master charge therapist.  I guess the surveys were NOT good and something had to be done.  I'm not sure people will ever be totally happy.  I told Karen that people hated floating to all of the hospitals and when she called them in to the office...only once person admitted that they did not like floating.  Maybe I shouldn't do that again...now I look like a liar.  Oh well...I tried.
Well, back to work tonight and I don't feel rested at all.  Got to make some $$$ for my new house.  Maybe this will take my mind off of things. 
I've got to have positive thoughts...because right now I'm really sad.
That's all for now....
Holley Ann 

Will you marry me????

Well, today was a really sad day for some of our friends.  Jimmy and Jen have been dating over a year now.  They have had many ups and downs..mainly Jimmy's fault.  Jimmy is a guy who always guards his heart, because he is afraid of getting hurt.  Well, in the last two weeks, Jimmy has realized what he and Jen had together.  So, he put it all on the line.....Little did we know, it would come back to slap him in the face.

So the story goes...Jimmy wrote Jen a promise not with several things that he would change.  It was a great letter, and everything she has always wanted.  He promised her the world...well guess sometimes the world is just not enough.

Last night Jeff, Jimmy and I attended Jackie and Adam's wedding at Disney.  Jen was supposed to go, but decided she better not...she thought it was a bad idea.  So we went..just us three.  Jimmy's was so upset, he could hardly enjoy himself.  During the wedding, he kept saying, "I can't wait to get married."  I couldn't believe those words were coming from his mouth!  Amazing...maybe he really is a changed man!

Well, we got up this morning, ate breakfast and back home we came.  All the way we talked about Jen and Jimmy's relationship.  He told us that he had plans to marry her, but he needed to find the right place to propose.  So, Jeff and I said, "Are you sure Jen is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?"  He said he loved her and she was the one.  So, I got the bright idea of saying, "Then why not propose now?"  That would be the straw that broke the camel's back!

We went to Littman Jewelers in the mall and found the perfect ring for Jen.  Absolutely georgeous!  The lady wrapped it up and away we went.  So we dropped him off to go propose. 

What happens next really breaks my heart!  Jimmy calls and basically tells us she said no.  He was devastated!  Then Jen called me crying asking why did we let him do that?  I told her everything and told her she really needed to think about the decision she just made.  This is what she has always wanted and now she's just going to throw it away???  Did she ever really love him the way she said she did?  I have to wonder?

Well, needless to say I'm heart broken for him.  He will never put himself out there again like he did today.  I'm proud of him for letting his guard down...but so sad it didn't work out for him!

I'm just praying that she comes to her senses and they get back together!

I feel like I'm losing a great friend....so sad!

Holley Ann